Defend yourself, beloved!
by Moku
Summary: Crossover: Weiß-Kreuz/FruitsBasket/etc. Pairings: you don't want to know -_-° We want you to think about your daily enviroment. A Fanfic, which portrays the reality: The social evils in a world which is dominated by fanficauthors.


Authors: dark-chan (alias fight) and Moku  
  
Disclaimer: Noone of these animescharacters belongs to us, although we sometimes wish to own them. By the the way, we don't own golfclubs and other weapons, which are going to hit us.  
  
[b]Warning[/b]: We don't want to offend or discriminate anyone, 'cause we are even more stupid. Above all we want to apologize to Tom Jones. *stupid grin * It's really just for fun. Who don't like our humour: DON'T READ!!   
  
[[Definition „Our humour": insane, with sadistic tendencies, Schwarzer humour]]  
  
Another warning: *makes a serious face* We want you to think about your daily enviroment. A Fanfic, which portrays the reality: The social evils in a world which is dominated by fanficauthors. (Poor, poor animecharacters)  
  
Rights of Animecharacters  
------------------------------------  
  
It was a beautiful day in spring not so very long ago. The sun aimed its rays at the green fields that were covered with flowers and happily growing weeds.  
A day like one out of a book.  
A day when children play carefree in the grass.  
A day like...  
"IYAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"  
What? What lovely voice is calling?  
"NEVER!"  
Oh, what sweet sound reaches my ears?  
„SADIST!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!"  
„You do what I say. I can do anything I wanna do with you."  
Let's go a little bit nearer to see the origin of these harmonical tunes with our own eyes.  
Come on! Come on! Don't be afraid, nothing will happen to you.  
  
In an idyllic village, not far away, we found the object of our searching.  
Fury-like the louds of heaven heap flattery on us.   
„I'M GOING TO QUIT!"  
„You aren't allowed to do that! You signed a contract."  
"No, I never did that."  
"I don't care. Nevertheless I can tell you what to do."  
*sigh* What a heart-tearing scene going on far too often these days between fanficauthor and character.  
"I cancel."  
"You can't do that."  
"Sure I can."  
"No, you can't."  
"Can too!"  
"..."  
„Why not?"  
„If you didn't sign a contract, you can't quit it."  
„But I want to."  
„And yet you'll have to work on."  
"What do you think I am? I'm not a masochist."  
"But you are."  
"No!"  
"Sure you are."  
"No!"  
"..."  
"Why should I be one?"  
"You called me a sadist, but you still let me do everything with you, just like  
the other characters. So don't complain!!"  
"Enough!! I'm going on a strike!"  
And already the animecharacter fluttered [???] out with stumping feet through the  
front door to be never seen again ... for a while.   
Left back home only a concerned author remained.  
"Come back!! What about my fanfic? What about my money?"  
You don't get money for that. *clears throat*  
Deep mourning filled the house.  
Silence!  
"Omae o korosu!!"  
  
[some days later]  
{Meeting of the only male Animepopulation}  
  
"Have you heard, yet...?"  
"Anybody knows what's going on...?"  
"Does my hair looks good...?"  
"Does my dress suits me? Don't you think it's a little dropout...?"  
"Darling. Liebling[1]. It's beautiful…"  
  
„Attention, please!"  
  
„What happened with our trade union?"  
  
„Please, be quiet! I want to say something!"  
  
„I don't know why we're here. And does anybody tell us something?"  
  
„Quiet!! I'm begging for silence."   
  
„You know what happened to me a while ago?"  
  
„URUSEI!!![2]"  
  
Suddenly it became quiet and everybody looked at one person.  
Quatre: „…"  
All: „…"  
Quatre: *clears his throat* "Hehe. Thank you very much for your attention.  
It pleases me that you came in such a great number."  
Tom Jones: „GET TO THE POINT!!"  
For the first time they looked away from Quatre.  
Person1: „Who are you?"  
Person2: „What are you doing here?"  
Tom Jones: „Isn't it the meeting of the self-help group of the anonyme  
impotent?"  
Yohji: „I'm not impotent!"  
Omi: *speaking with a calm voice* „Nobody said that. Keep cool." -_-°°  
Tom Jones: „Hey, aren't you the one from the last meeting? I knew you from  
sight and so I followed you. Seems you're slightly busy today. But can  
you tell me the way, please?"  
Hiro*: „Out of the building, straight along the street, the third corner  
left. The big red sign is impossible to miss."  
All: „…"  
Hiro: „What? Prevention is better than forbearance."  
Kisa**: HIRO!! I'm shocked."  
Quatre: „Hallo~ho? I'm begging for silence…again."  
All: *waiting excited*  
Quatre: „Thank you. Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to join…"  
Duo: „Wrong slogan, Q-man!"  
Quatre: *embarassed* *search for the pieces of paper* „Ehm...Alright. *shows  
papers* Here we go again!"  
Brad: „We can not read thaa~at."  
Hisoka: „And you are already wearing glasses."  
Yuki Souma and Nagi: *nod*   
Quatre: „Don't drive me crazy. Okay! And here we go again...  
again...however: butter, milk, chocolate, strawberries…"  
Wufei: „That's our shopping list, BAKA!!"  
Trowa: „Oh, what I wanted to ask you: Did you write down my hair gel, too?"  
Vegeta: „BE QUIET!!! I want this to come to an end, so I can practice and win  
over Kakarott. I don't have much spare time, because of those crazy  
fangirls."  
Quatre: „That's the point! *burrow through the leaflets* *beams* I found the  
right ones!!"  
All: *groan*   
Momiji: *beams* „Well done little brother."  
Quatre: „I'm taller than you."  
Momiji: „I'm older."  
Quatre: „Just a minute."  
Momiji: „A minute nonetheless."  
Quatre: *mutters*  
Zechs: „I thought Quatre only had 29 sisters."  
Quatre: „Well, Momiji has always dressed like a girl, you know?"  
Momiji: „Ne, Tohru, Kyou hit me!!"  
Kyou: „What do you want, you stupid rabbit?"  
Momiji: „Sorry, out of habit! *gasp* Ne, Tohru, Quatre insulted me!!"  
[[Reader: „GET TO THE POINT!!!"  
Dark-chan and Moku: Ehm… okay?"  
Reader: *rolls eyes* Thank you.]]  
Quatre: „I want to get to the point, now."  
Person3: „Yeah, you should reach it soon!"  
Person4: „Hey, let him finish."  
Quatre: *clears his throat*   
Person5: „Do it fast."  
Quatre:  
„Icalledyou,becausetheoppressionoffanficauthorsbecameevenworse.Andnowitdottothe...  
Person5 „But not THAT fast!!"  
Quatre: *sweatdrops* „I'm sorry. I called you, because the oppression of  
fanficauthors became even worse. And now it got to the outburst and that's why we  
are here."  
Shuuichi: „You're babbling, Quatre."  
Duo: „You're one to talk."  
Quatre: *talks on* „Let's become friends with the fanficauthors. Just with  
friendship we can make our situation better. Friendship!!"  
Yuki Eiri, Heero, Brad: *take Quatre away*  
Quatre: *screams on* „Friendship!! Friendship!!"  
Momiji: „I support you with all I've got, little brother."  
Duo: *steps on the podium* ^`_____´^ „Okay, this problem would be solved.  
*looks back to Quatre* Sorry, Q-man. Well, Let's get to the point, again. We  
have to fight back."  
All: *cheer*  
Duo: „We have to go to war against the fanficauthors."  
All: „Duo! Duo!"  
Duo: „We can't let them torture us even more. They always say we are their  
favourites, but that's so hypocritical. Do you want to get beaten up, raped  
and put into dresses again and again?  
Nuriko and Ritsu: „We don't have anything against crossdressing." *are pushed  
away and ignored*   
Duo: „Our freedom is near."  
All: „YES!! Duo!! We will follow you!!"  
Duo: „TO THE WEAPONS!!"  
All: *grap after scythes, guns, Katanas, Bugnuks, Darts, knifes, Stunguns  
etc.*  
Aya: „Shi-ne, fanficauthors!!"  
Schuldig, Nagi, Hisoka, Tsuzuki …: *watch the others*  
Nagi: *voice dripping with sarcasm* „Isn't it sweet?"   
Schuldig. „Ja, ich weiß was du meinst.[3]"  
Nagi: „Sure, you know what I mean. You can read my mind."  
Duo: „Let's go!"  
Momiji: „Can't we solve the problem peacefully?"  
All: *turn to Momiji*  
Momiji: *puppydogeyes*  
All: KAWAIIIII!!!!  
Duo: „I can do that too." *bigger puppydogeyes*  
Heero: „The fight of the giants starts. In the blue corner we can see Momiji  
Souma, the still not beaten master and in the red corner, the challenger Duo  
Maxwell, with the weapon of an animecharacter.."  
All: *get their cameras* KAWAI DESU, NE!!!!! *knips* *knips* *knips*  
Heero: „Take this serious, it is a match which decides the future of us, the  
animecharacters."  
All: *put the cameras away*  
Heero: „Duos eyes get bigger and bigger. They already take half of his face  
but Momiji is getting closer. 2/3 and Duo now ¾. Awww, that's soooo cute!!!  
*clears his throat* The fight is going to be more exciting. If nothing is  
going to happen soon, then nothing is going to happen..."  
Duo: „Let's fight."  
Momiji: „Let's be friendly."  
Heero: „Do we want to vote now?"  
Quatre: *has escaped out of his cell and hurries to help his brother*  
*puppydogeyes*  
All: *gush*  
Duo: „That's mean." *pout*  
All: *sigh*   
  
[some hours and visits to the dentist later. Sugar is bad for your teeth]  
Heero: „We are going to the results of the vote. Momiji got 23%."  
Duo: *beams all over his face * „I won!"  
Daisuke: "If he didn't have ears his smile would be a circle."  
Heero: „And Duo got 22%."  
Duo: „What?"  
Heero: „Well, the other 55% couldn't decide whom to choose."  
Momiji and Quatre: *hug eachother* „All power to peace!!!"  
Duo: *pouts* „And how do we do that in a friendly way?"  
Farf: *plays with knifes* „Maybe we should convene a meeting in which we  
listen to the argumentation of both sides."  
All: O_O  
Farf: *ignores them* *pushes a knifes into the table* „But we are tortured by  
the Mangakas too. So we should invite a third party."  
All: O_O  
George and Fred: „But we want to come too. We, the characters of the book  
were torturees too."  
Farf: „Of course we need a neutral authority to look over the meeting."  
Yamato: „He is right. But who can lead the conference? Who's going to help  
us?"  
Person6: „Good question, next question."  
Farf: „I would propose God."  
God: „Oh you're so sweet."   
All: „GOD IS A SADIST!!"  
Farf: „Or maybe not."  
God: T-T  
Kato: „But is there anybody else who can help us?"  
Ken: „I see, we have just one chance. Our last hope!"  
Person7: „Say who, oh, Ken almighty, like the Kami-sama."  
Ken: „WHAT? I'm not a sadist!"  
God: T-T  
Ken: „Although, I'm going to say who: Oprah! Winfrey!"  
Aya: „Are you nuts??"  
Quatre: *beams* „That's a good idea."  
  
And so it happened that Oprah Winfrey became the neutral authority of the  
animecharacters.  
  
Kira: „Hey narrator. You're acting like we are finished. Our conference hasn't  
ended yet, old man."  
Farf: *licks at his knife* „We also need…"  
Treize: „Don't speak with your mouth full."  
Farf: *poutingly puts his toy away* „You're no fun… We also need a ambassador  
who fights for our rights."  
All: *look around if anybody raises his hand* *nobody does*  
Gary: „Oh, calm down, not all at the same time."  
Omi: „What about Farfarello. He suggested it and do you think there's anyone  
who can resist him?"  
Nagi: „That's a good point but …" *points at Farfie*  
Farf: *throws knifes at innocent background actors*  
Nagi, Omi: -_-° „Guess we'd better choose another one."  
Son Goku: „Let us vote in peace."  
Duo: „Oh no, not he too."  
Ash: „Who is in favor of Farfarello?"  
Silence *somebody clears his throat*  
Ash: „What about Quarte?"  
All: „YEAH!!!"  
Quatre: *blushes* „But I can't do it all alone."  
Momiji: „I'm going to help you little brother."  
Quatre: „Momiji." *tears of happiness in his eyes*  
Momiji: „Quatre." *cuddles*  
All: „Aaaaaahhh!" *gush* *sigh*  
  
And so it happens that Momiji and Quatre were voted to be the fearless  
ambassadors of the animecharacters.  
  
Person8: „Wait. You have to go to the Fanficauthor to tell them about the  
meeting."  
Quatre, Momiji: O_O „I'M SCARED!" T-T   
  
-*-*-*-*  
* Hiro from „Fruits Basket" is about 11-12 years old  
** Maybe not so exclusive  
[1]Darling  
[2]Shut up  
[3] Yes, I know what you mean 


End file.
